Embracing Your Emotions, Part 2: The Role of Feelings in Christian Community

Worshipping with Passion

When life gets tough, we need each other. When we mourn, we long for a shoulder to cry on. When we are scared or overwhelmed, we want to know that we have the presence and support of a friend. This is by design. We are created to be in relationship and feelings are a big part of how we experience our community. Embracing emotions in a balanced and healthy way allows the Church to be a safe place for connection and growth; for learning about the love of Christ, and witnessing this love to the world.

Witnessing Christ

For better or worse, we are connected through our emotions. When an international figure is killed, as in the death of Charlie Kirk last week, we are all impacted. Though our experiences may be different, we all feel the loss in some way. Despite any disagreements over his message and what he stood for, we can support each other by giving room for all emotional responses and clinging to our mutual hope in Christ. This is how we come together in times of stress, grief and confusion. And this is part of what sets the Christian community apart from the rest of the world. When we can show compassion toward one another in spite of our differences, we demonstrate the love of Christ and are united with one another and the Lord. What a powerful witness.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. ––John 13:35

Life is hard. We all struggle and go through times of suffering. The world needs to know that Christ is the answer to this suffering, but they won't be able to tell unless they see us loving one another through any and all circumstances. Love is the primary and most powerful emotion of them all. When we are willing to make room for the feelings of others by listening with empathy and compassion, we demonstrate Agape, the Love of Christ. Receiving this kind of unconditional love allows one to be open to the Good News of salvation. Not only do we model Christ by engaging in this way, we also foster a healthy church body, which serves as a witness to the world of who God is and what true community is meant to be.

Thriving Together

Christian community is essential for strengthening and encouraging one another on our spiritual journey. Research on Emotional Intelligence indicates that being able to recognize, express and appropriately relate to our own and others feelings is a significant key to success in both work and relationships. This highlights the importance of emotional literacy, especially for Christians who want to be connected in community and effective in God’s Kingdom.  

Studies show that people who openly express their emotions can form deeper, more meaningful relationships by building trust, understanding and intimacy. To do this requires an atmosphere of safety. A healthy Christian community is one in which feelings are not only accepted, but encouraged and honored; a place free of gossip and demeaning judgment, where the person listening can be trusted to hold their tongue and advice, waiting to respond until the one sharing feels seen, heard and understood. This is all in line with what the Bible teaches: that we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19), to do everything in love (1 Corinthians 16:14), and to avoid gossip (Proverbs 20:19).

In addition to being safe, we can offer empathy, by allowing ourselves to identify with the other person’s experience. Altogether, this creates a community in which we bear one another’s emotional burdens, an important part of what Paul encourages in Galatians. As Dr. Dan Siegel is fond of saying, “What is shareable, is bearable.”  By emotionally supporting one another during times of trouble, we are obeying the law of Christ, which is to love one another (John 13:34-35).

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ––Galatians 6:2

Of course, we also demonstrate God’s love through acts of compassion and speaking the truth. Yet we are more open to hearing truth after receiving empathy, and we are more likely to act on someone’s behalf when we resonate with their experience and have allow ourselves to be emotionally moved by their situation.

Obviously, there are times when negative emotions let loose will tear a church apart. It is important to share our feelings in ways that build each other up and do not cause harm. (More on how to handle difficult emotions in the final part of this series.) A safe and supportive environment encourages people to express their feelings appropriately, allowing Church to be the place of healing, growth and unity that God intended. In addition, shared experiences that are especially moving, such as worship or an emotional testimony, strengthen our bonds and can mutually heighten the experience, galvanizing us to act on behalf of the Kingdom.

A healthy church is one in which emotions are welcomed, met with empathy and compassion, and subsumed under God’s Truth and Love.

God wants His Body to be healthy. To be so, we must learn to acknowledge and share our own emotional experiences, and create an environment where others feel free to do the same. This is what fosters a thriving Christian community.

Encouraging Authenticity

As Christians navigate their emotional journeys, authenticity is crucial. We’ve probably all heard criticism that, “the church is full of hypocrites.” Believers who are willing to openly share their feelings foster a genuine atmosphere of real support. The Bible encourages us to live with integrity, sharing both our victories and defeats (Romans 12:15). Though being open about our feelings may seem intimidating, it is usually uplifting for everyone involved. Being honest about our struggles and willing to share our feelings both helps us grow and allows others to relate. When met with empathy and compassion, such authenticity not only strengthens our relationships, it also becomes a powerful antidote to shame and pride.

Some interpret emotionality as weakness. In reality, the courage to be vulnerable and share our true feelings takes great strength. This vulnerability not only inspires faith, it also cultivates resilience in the community.

Christians are human. This means we feel the effects of a sinful world in the same way everyone else does; we suffer, question, struggle, and make mistakes just like non-Christians do. The difference Jesus makes is not that we no longer suffer, it is that we have a savior who understands and redeems our suffering; we are loved and we have hope. This can give us the courage to be honest with one another, and to trust that no matter what is being shared, "Jesus in you," will see, "Jesus in me." Participating in a supportive group of authentic Christians frees us to love each other and follow Christ more whole-heartedly.

Practical Steps to Embrace Emotions in Community

• Share Your Feelings: Take a risk and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Find someone with whom you can talk openly and freely express your emotions. If it doesn't go well, learn from the experience and try again (maybe with someone new). Don't give up. It takes practice to become emotionally literate, but it's worth it! This is the best way to build trust and community.

• Be a Safe Person: Empathy and compassion are reciprocal. Be the kind of person with whom you would want to share; someone who is trustworthy, understanding and caring, and who holds a confidence.

• Let yourself Cry: Be willing to show your feelings and let your tears fall. Research shows that crying helps calm the nervous system by stimulating pain modulators (e.g., endorphins) and connection hormones (e.g., oxytocin). It also allows us to excrete stress hormones (e.g., cortisol) and stimulates pro-social behaviors in others. So let those tears flow!

• Actively Participate: Choosing to get involved builds trust and friendship, which in turn allows us to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with our feelings. Join groups where sharing is encouraged and welcomed. Building safe relationships greatly enhances emotional well-being, generating health in the Body of Christ.

Fostering Healthy Community

As discussed in Part 1 of this series, Biblical narratives demonstrate that emotions are a fundamental part of imaging God and being human. By acknowledging and expressing our feelings, we connect more deeply with God, ourselves, and our community. We need to embrace our emotions. More importantly, we need to embrace God and each other. This happens most naturally when we can share our feelings in a safe environment where people support one another through empathic listening, refusing to be judgmental, and showing compassion.

When life hits us hard, it is important to acknowledge our feelings, giving them to God and sharing them with others. Being open with our emotions nurtures authenticity and compassion, strengthening our bonds and resilience. When balanced with truth and obedience, embracing emotions adds a richness and depth to our experience of shared community.

Though we may not do it perfectly, sharing our emotions with others is crucial in fostering the kind of healthy community that honors God and witnesses His Love to the world. Emotions play a key role, not only in whether or not we are thriving as individuals in our churches, but also in whether or not the Church as a whole is thriving as a Christian community, able to reach those longing for authentic connection with God and each other.

Heavenly Father, teach us to fully embrace our emotions, and to be a safe place for others to do the same. Give us the courage to share vulnerably, and the patience to listen humbly. We ask Your Presence to guide our community, so that the world may see Your Love through us. Amen.