Welcome to February, the month of love. Instead of the traditional warm and fuzzy post, we are tackling the "hard love" to which Jesus followers are called. We all have people in our lives that are particularly challenging. When these people are close to us and make our life difficult, it is tempting to throw in the towel and give up on the relationship. This is because the loving is so painful.
This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. —John 15:12
To look on the one we love without receiving what we need in return, is a wound so deep we're sure we cannot withstand it. Or we are repulsed because something about them reminds us of our own weakness, fears and failures. So we shut down and deny the love we have, burying it under layers of cold withdrawal.
We go about the business of life and relationships without emotionally engaging because it hurts too much.
This is a survival technique. We do it with difficult children, who seem to have drained every last ounce of our compassion. We do it with spouses whose criticism has stung one too many times. We do it with friends, roommates and bosses. Loving those who give us nothing, or sometimes something worse than nothing, in return seems impossible. And it usually is, unless we have the Love of God filling and enabling us to do so.
To minister love requires that we forgive others and trust God. Forgive the ongoing pain we live with.
Forgive that this person does not meet our expectations or conform to how we think they should be. Forgive the hurt and damage they have caused. Forgive and trust. Trust that God can fill the empty places; that He is enough. Trust that His Love can overflow through us, even when our own is exhausted. Trust that He will meet our needs.
Forgiveness is a continual process of letting go. It involves grieving, including all the normal anger, confusion and tears belonging to grief. It involves trusting that God is in control and will take care of you, and deal with the other as is best. And it is repeated with each new affliction.
Forgiveness does NOT include excusing or allowing inappropriate behavior. Healthy love requires setting boundaries. That is a whole other conversation. In the worst of situations, we can love from a distance if necessary. In such a case, we maintain a loving stance and seek the other's best despite the circumstances.
All love includes an element of pain. Do life with anyone long enough and even those "easy" to love will sometimes feel unlovable. When love is not returned or worse, trampled on and spit back in our face, we have a choice. Do we give up, or do we model Christ?
I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you —Matthew 5:44
Love is not prevented by another's sin, only our own. Because our lack of forgiveness is a desperate act to protect ourselves, we often do not recognize it as sin. By choosing to grieve and let go, we chose life. We allow God's miraculous love to heal us, opening the possibility of loving and healing those who benefit from its overflow. This is our highest calling as Christians; the primary way we model and honor Jesus and are recognized as His followers (John 13:35).
May God help all of us to increase and abound in love toward one another and toward all people (1 Thessalonians 3:12).
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