Embracing Your Emotions, Part 1: Why It's Okay for Christians to Express Their Feelings

In a conversation with a friend the other day, he became frustrated with my persistent focus on feelings: "What am I supposed to do," he asked, "sit around gazing at my navel and crying? That's not Biblical!" Maybe you share his concern that too much focus on emotion will lead to inaction; that powerful feelings may take our focus off of Christ, leaving us incapable of spreading the Gospel and living a godly life. In a world that seems to have become "over-therapized" in recent years, it is tempting to want to go back to avoiding feelings so that we are not preoccupied with them.

This blog post underscores the significance of emotional expression in the Bible and encourages Christians to recognize that embracing our feelings is not only acceptable, it is a key component of following Jesus and living out God's design.

A Biblical Basis for Emotions

The Bible is filled with vivid examples of emotional expression. For instance, the book of Psalms illustrates a vast spectrum of feelings, from exuberant praise to desperate despair.  In addition, descriptions of God in the Bible reveal that He is a great feeler. Because God is Love (1 John 4:16), all of His emotions, including His anger, are expressions of this fundamental element of His character. For instance, He delights in His children (Luke 15:7, Zephaniah 3:17), grieves over sin (Genesis 6:6, Ephesians 4:30), and is angry when people hurt each other and turn their backs on Him (1 Kings 14:9, Isaiah 10:1-2).

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. —1 John 4:16

During His time on earth, Jesus also displayed a full range of emotions: He wept at Lazarus's tomb (John 11:35), felt compassion for the crowds (Matthew 9:36), underwent intense anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:39), was zealous for God’s house when he turned over the tables of the money-changers (Matthew 21:12-13), and was full of joy when his disciples returned exuberant from their mission (Luke 10:21). He was not a detached man on a mission, but rather someone who deeply connected with humanity through his feelings. As Christians, we can follow His example by embracing a rich emotional life.

Emotions Are Part of God’s Design

Being created in the image of God, we are feelers like He is. We reflect our creator by demonstrating and experiencing awide array of feelings. In “Molecules of Emotion,” neuroscientist Candace Pert shares her discovery that emotions are mediated by chemical peptides produced in the body. She explains how their sphere of influence is surprisingly wide, affecting nearly every aspect of how we function.

In short, we are designed to run on emotions. They help provide meaning to the information we receive, and they motivate our actions more than we might might think.

Ignoring or suppressing our feelings will not make them go away. While some Christians may feel pressured to deny their emotions, God encourages us to be truthful with Him and each other. Acknowledging and dealing with our feelings leads to greater health and wellbeing. Research has shown that suppressing emotions is bad for both physical and mental health. While we need to be mindful of how we express ourselves (1 Corinthians 16:14), it is imperative that we allow for the expression of all our emotions in order to have emotional health and spiritual growth. We work best when we follow God’s design.

Emotions Connect Us to The Body of Christ

Emotions are critical in the formation of relational bonds. They are the language of attachment; integral to how we communicate, connect and establish trust with one another. Attachment research has shown that healthy, secure relationships are built on empathy. When we are willing to share our feelings, and able to receive the comfort of an understanding and sympathetic listener, it fosters intimacy and increases our own capacity to comfort someone else. Paul encourages this when he tells us to share in each other's emotional experiences:

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. —Romans 12:15

Studies indicate that people who openly express their emotions can form deeper, more meaningful relationships. For instance, a survey by the Barna Group revealed that small group attenders who share personal struggles with each other report feeling more connected and engaged in their church. Expressing emotions can foster the, "belonging and deep relational connection," that these congregants experience as, "meaningful community."

On the other hand, repressing emotions can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnect. A review of the research showed that expressing emotions led to closer connection and greater satisfaction in relationships, while suppressing emotions led to increased depression, lower self-esteem and less overall satisfaction. A safe and supportive environment that encourages Christians to express their feelings, provides beautiful opprtunities for healing, unity and the embodiment of Christ.

Emotions Connect Us to God

Expressing our emotions draws us closer to God and enriches our prayer life. How many of us have heard that, “Christianity is not a religion; it’s a relationship”? Our God is relational. For better or for worse, emotions are part of the glue that holds relationships together. This is true of our relationship with God as much as it is true for our relationships with other humans. We build trust and intimacy with God by sharing our feelings with Him.

If you have not yet poured your heart out to God, allowing Him access to the deepest, most vulnerable parts of your soul, you are missing out on the greatest level of intimacy and healing available with Him.

Many Psalms demonstrate raw, honest emotional expression, including feelings like doubt and anger (Psalm 10:1; 109:6-15). These verses show us how to trust God with the pain, anger and confusion of our shared human experience. Expressing our emotions to the Lord strengthens our faith and fosters a sense of attachment, allowing us to experience and understand more of His incredible love for us. We can then better love and comfort others with the love and comfort we receive from Him (1 John 4:19, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

God not only draws near through our feelings, He uses them to motivate and speak to us. For example, a sense of foreboding may serve as a warning, while His peace often acts as confirmation. God also gives us the privilege of joining Him in His own emotional experience: grieving over sin, being angry with injustice, having compassion for those who suffer, and lovingkindness towards all He has made. As we become more comfortable acknowledging and sharing our feelings, we find that they give us a unique opportunity to draw closer to God, as well as each other.

Practical Steps to Express Your Feelings

Like anything else, learning to embrace and express our feelings takes time and practice, especially for those of us who grew up in a home where feelings were shut down or dismissed. If this is a new concept for you, it’s okay to start small; a little goes a long way. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Journal: Writing down feelings helps articulate and process emotions before sharing them. Harvard Health reports that individuals who express their emotions through writing tend to experience less anxiety, stress and pain; improving their performance and helping them recover more quickly from trauma.

• Talk to Someone: Seek a trusted friend, family member, or counselor to discuss feelings. Verbalizing emotions with others can bring relief. Neuroscience now shows that we are hard-wired to be calmed through emotional caring from others. We are not meant to go it alone.

• Engage in Prayer: Sharing our feelings with God in prayer helps us feel closer to Him and enables us to receive His comfort; opening pathways for deeper healing, connection and understanding. Whenever you pray, take time to notice how you're feeling and talk to God about it.

• Be Creative: All forms of art, dance, music, story-telling and poetry serve as powerful means of expressing inner emotions and articulating what is hard to say out loud. Non-verbal forms of creativity help us convey feelings that are too deep for words.

Be patient with yourself. It may feel awkward at first, but learning to acknowledge and share your feelings is an important part of growing in sanctification, imaging Christ and experiencing the full richness of Christian community (more on this in Embracing Emotions, Part 2). Remember, God already knows how we feel and He has compassion on us (Psalm 103:13-14).

Finding Balance in Emotional Expression

While it is clear that emotions are not to be ignored, we certainly want to avoid "navel-gazing" and spending all our time crying, as my friend said. As Christians, how can we achieve a healthy, Biblical balance in the way we relate to our feelings? The key is to give them their rightful place, along with our thoughts and actions, while still submitting them to Christ and God's word.

In God, emotion, thought and behavior are intertwined and perfectly balanced. The Biblical words used to describe God’s affection denote deep, visceral fervor (Jeremiah 31:20). This strong feeling of love and compassion is joined with benevolent thoughts and active demonstrations of mercy, care and commitment. Love is meaningless without action (1 John 3:16-18), and without love, right actions and knowledge amount to nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Thoughts, feelings and behaviors are all part of God's design, meant to work in concert as equally important counterpoints to one another.

While it is important to keep our feelings from running the show, embracing and expressing emotions are vital aspects of the Christian experience. Biblically speaking, tending our “heart” (which includes both thoughts and feelings) is just as important as our behavior. Though we may not do it perfectly, we image our creator best when we allow ourselves to be emotionally expressive.

Embracing Our Emotions as Christians

Feelings are a beautiful part of being human, imaging God, and following Christ. When we understand the Biblical foundation for emotions and choose to fully engage with our feelings, we cooperate with God’s original design; allowing us to draw closer to God and each other, and giving us access to powerful means for affecting healing and change in our world. For this reason, it is not only okay for Christians to express their feelings, it is essential!

Father God, help us learn to fully embrace our emotions. Give us the courage to acknowledge and express our feelings in ways that honor you. We ask You to use them for Your good purposes: to grow our faith, heal our souls, and allow us to shine more of Your light in the world. Amen.

Additional Resources:

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

The Healing Power of Emotion